The client vendor relationship is extremely important. If you can’t navigate the paths, valleys, and peaks of said relationship well then it’s going to be a long ride. Bloggers chime-in all the time about how to deal with clients and what to do as opposed to what not to do. Here’s what you don’t want to happen between you and the client. Being that we learn more from defeat than victory, here’s my what not to dos:

10. BE SLOPPY WITH YOUR DESIGN
Try to forget about things like margins, leading, kerning, grid systems, and don’t give any thought into typography. Eat on top of the comps and the boards so during preso there’s a suweet Starbucks coffee stain on the boards. Crumbs are effective too.

9. BE WAY TOO ACOMMODATING
Be so layed back that you agree at every turn with the client even if what the client wants hurt his or her business in the long run. Just take the money and run. Time for group think.

8. BE A JERK
Don’t be polite or honorable with client and having an attitude to boot helps. We’re going for the frustrated artist or the designer that knows it all kind of thing. Be very condescending.

7. USE TEMPLATES RATHER THAN YOUR OWN DESIGN
Forget all about creativity or digging down into your own imagination and or researching, just steal it from someone else. If it’s on the Internet well then it must be free to use.

6. MAKE THE CLIENT UNCOMFORTABLE
This one’s NOT literal so while you may want to put that cheap ole’ client in an arm bar, we are speaking figuratively. When the client needs your help simply be unhelpful. Try to mime your recommendations.

5. BE AMBIGUOUS IN YOUR COMMUNICATIONS
When client has a project for you be as ambiguous as you can in terms of what you’ll actually deliver and when. Don’t be detailed with how you want to be compensated. Try not to answer the phone or pick up the phone and don’t say anything.

4. WORK FOR FREE AS A “DRY RUN”
Don’t value your work. Just work for free because if you do the Client will eventually hire you, yeah – no they won’t but kid yourself into believing they will.

2. ACTUALLY BELIEVE THE CLIENT IS ALWAYS RIGHT
Forget the fact that you’re an expert in your field highly paid and knowledgeable, just brown nose as much as possible. Wear the client like a helmet. We do not want to rock the boat, because the clients can actually do all this themselves anyway.

1. DON’T DELIVER ON TIME
Never meet your deadlines and this parts the most important. Never ever keep your appointments. Blame the Client.

I hope this helps you lose all of your present and future clients, no not really.

UPDATE: I’ve been getting some whacky comments, this was an attempt at irony and I don’t want you actually do what I said! Thanks.